Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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