yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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