it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
