I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
