so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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