i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
