i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
