Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
