i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
