: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
