Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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