Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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