This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
