the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If I die, sorry about rent.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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