Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
