Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
