THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just high enough for therapy.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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