Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
