Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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