I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
