Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
