this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
