Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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