Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
