At least make sure they are 18
Why
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
