I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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