oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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