i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
