Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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