saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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