I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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