I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
