Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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