just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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