I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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