I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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