Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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