Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
