So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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