An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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