you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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