Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
