U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
