If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize