He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
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All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
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Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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