Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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