thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
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As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
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this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize