I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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