She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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