Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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