Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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