Where is the hickey?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
