you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
