Someone shit on the floor
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
