I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
