i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
