its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
