i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
