i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
