there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
