Tell her she can't have a vagina
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
