WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
