Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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