You made me cry and you don't even care
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
