Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
