the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
