I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So many bounce houses so little time
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
